A MILLIONAIRE 
FOR A DAY 



PS 3525 B j 0HN JAY McDEVITT 

.01927 



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PRICE, 50 CENTS 



A MILLIONAIRE 
FOR A DAY 



COPYRIGHT, 1914, BY JOHN JAY McDEVITT 






ARRANGED AND PRINTED BY THE DANDO COMPANY 
34 SOUTH THIRD STREET, PHILADELPHIA 



- -5 1914 

^>CI.A361927 



CONTENTS 

Preface 7 

Author's Announcement 9 

The Beginning 11 

My Philosophy of Life 19 

Humor 32 

Running for Mayor 47 

Candidate for County Treasurer ... 52 

Humorist and Philosopher 55 

Ex-Candidate McDevitt Addresses the 

Ladies of Parker Club 58 

Talk too Much to Take Graft .... 62 

Advice to Young Girls 67 

Things Men Don't Like 69 

My Venture 70 

Questions 87 

New York 89 

Impressions of New York 96 

Side Lights Concerning My Trip . . . 101 

At the. Clover Club Banquet .... 105 



PREFACE 

When the thought struck me to 
write a book, I looked over the ground, 
and after some serious thinking, I pro- 
ceeded to do so, and while I might not go 
down in history as a great literary light 
of the present century, I will go to the 
grave knowing that I wrote a book, be 
it good, bad or indifferent. 

You note that I have headed this 
article "Preface." This is what writers 
do, or at least I believe such, and because 
of this, I will do likewise. So, my dear 
reader — notice I say "dear reader" — I 
wish you to bear with me in the perusal 
of this little offering ; read slowly and get 
all there is out of it, and should I (mean- 
ing the author) cause you to smile, or 
even think, I will do something more than 
many writers have failed to do with me. 

You might find words in this book 
that are too much for you, as I am using 
the very best of English, and while I 
might be more commonplace, in my own 

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interest I am forced to be artistic, as this 
is purely and solely a work of art. 

With these few remarks and up to 
the time of going to press, I bid you 
"adieu." 



[8] 



AUTHOR'S 
ANNOUNCEMENT 

I find a peculiar satisfaction in realiz- 
ing that when all is said and done there 
is no one that knows McDevitt as 
McDevitt knows himself. 

Vanity is a part of every human 
being, and McDevitt is very much human, 
hence I find that in my makeup I possess 
a great deal of the trait that so many 
people wish to hide. 

I am a young man thirty-eight years 
of age, a little less than six feet tall. I 
have a pretty good shaped head, contain- 
ing a great deal of knowledge, useful and 
otherwise. My hair is a dark brown; 
those who speak lightly of me say it is 
very red. My features are classical, and 
very few would pass me by without 
taking an extra look at my appearance in 
general. 

I am inclined to smile a little more 
than the ordinary fellow, feeling all the 
while that people rather like the fellow 
that looks pleasant. 

I can give a good account of myself 
from a conversational point and I have 

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read sufficiently to fake my way along, 
even when the topic happens to be on the 
classics. I have an air of indifference that 
people are susceptible to, and when I 
speak before a crowd I always feel that I 
know more than my audience, and as a 
rule I am seldom mistaken. I spend my 
money with an air of a fellow who doesn't 
care; this counts — since we must spend, 
do it artistically. 

I weigh about one hundred and 
seventy pounds and wear very high grade 
clothes. I could make a hit with the 
fair sex if I so desired, but I am not overly 
particular in this. I appreciate the fact 
that men are very similar and that I 
deviate slightly from the general run, and 
I also know that I can take good care of 
myself, regardless of what comes or goes. 
I am very modest and don't care to speak 
of my good qualities, and only do so here- 
with because of the fact that they invari- 
ably have been overlooked in the past. 

JOHN JAY McDEVITT 

[ Wilkes -Barre, Pa. 
January, 19 14] 



[10] 



THE BEGINNING 



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WO things happened in 
1876, my birth and 
the Philadelphia 
Centennial. Hence, 
it can be readily un- 
derstood why the 
promoters of the 
latter event lost money, as the world was 
not in position to entertain two such 
important happenings. On my arrival 
into this world, coming as I did with a 
younger sister who happened to be a twin, 
it was discovered that I was a boy, and 
indications soon pointed to the fact that I 
would be compelled to go forth with a head 
of red hair, which, to a youngster at this 
period of our planet, was a serious mis- 
fortune, as all the kids made or endeavored 
to make one's life miserable. This, I after- 
ward figured out, was due to the lack of 
other amusements, such as moving pic- 
tures and ragtime music. In the little 
mining town in which my parents lived, it 
was always a day of great rejoicing when 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



a birth was proclaimed; and as my 
entrance was a dual one, it is safe to say 
that it was a big day at the family home. 

Children at this time and place were 
christened the next pay day following the 
birth, and as I happened to be born dur- 
ing a period when the coal mines were 
idle, as the result of a strike, I was obliged 
to lay around the house for the first sum- 
mer of my existence nameless. 

My father informs me that baby 
carriages were unknown, and when the 
day arrived for my christening I was 
wheeled to Hazelton in a barrow, and in 
a manner in keeping with the times I was 
sent forth with the cognomen of John Jay. 

I grew very rapidly in the days of my 
infancy, as this was all a kid had to do at 
that time, and as I developed into boy- 
hood, it was whispered about that the 
youngster would, at some future day, be 
heard from; and this, in some respects, 
demonstrates the wisdom of prophecy. 

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FOR A DAY 



Most children are addicted to the 
weakness or failing of crying; this in my 
case was not true. My mother tells me 
that I was more than six months old 
before she ever heard me murmur, and 
this she says was due to the fact that a 
Dutchman was elected on the school 
board in our town, and I happened to 
overhear my father mention the same to 
the older members of the family one even- 
ing while at the supper table, which meal 
was served, as it is still served, between 
the hours of five and six in the evening, 
regardless of what they do in New York 
and Newport. 

Most children begin their school days 
at the age of six. I was listed as a pupil 
long before my fifth birthday, and my 
teacher will tell you, to this day, that I 
was an unusually bright boy and could, at 
the age of seven, do simple fractions with 
one hand tied behind my back. 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



My father, who was the best man in 
this part of the country, took great pride 
in my early life, and did not disturb my 
school life until I was nine years of age. 
I many times since heard him say that I 
ought to be a priest, as I never did a tap 
of work until I was nearly ten years 
old. 

Gradually, but surely, growing in wis- 
dom, I soon began to seek new fields, and 
at the age of ten I found myself a part of 
a great big world of industry working in 
a coal breaker for the munificent salary of 
eight dollars per month, all of which I 
earned, as I was compelled to be at my 
post at seven o'clock in the morning, 
winter and summer, and remain there 
until six in the evening. The town, as 
you will understand, was a typical min- 
ing village and its inhabitants never had 
the opportunity of witnessing such a 
thing as comic or grand opera, or seeing 

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FOR A DAY 

vaudeville, other than that which the 
natives produced themselves. 

The fact is, we were more or less in 
the arrears on many points; for instance, 
I was never told at school in how many- 
rounds it took John L. Sullivan to defeat 
Paddy Ryan, and I was obliged to find 
out from other sources than the teacher 
about Dick Turpin and the James boys. 

We had very few luxuries in those 
days, and it is a matter of record that I 
was twelve years old before I saw a 
banana, and fourteen before I tasted one. 

About the one great event that 
occurred in my town in the days I speak 
of was the Hibernian parade, which, as 
every Irishman or anyone who ever lived 
in an Irish community knows, takes 
place every year on the morning of the 
seventeenth of March. Father tells me 
that every man around the diggin's was 
obliged to get out and walk, and, said he : 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



"If they didn't walk on that day, they 
couldn't walk for months after." 

My town, as you have no doubt 
surmised ere this, was controlled and 
looked after by the Irish, and hence, it is 
needless to say, we had a village with 
many officials, as the Irish are ever known 
as office holders, fighters and good neigh- 
bors in a time of adversity. In those 
days, newspapers were very scarce, and 
all I can recall was "The Irish World," 
"The Police Gazette" and a few papers 
sent this way from relatives living in 
Ireland. 

My father was at this time the only 
man in our locality capable of writing a 
letter, and it was always a matter of 
debate as to who was the smarter man 
in town, father or priest. 

I often thought when I was a kid 
when I became a man, if I never did 
anything else, I would get my fill of 
raisin pie. I still remember the first 

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dollar I received, I went forth and re- 
turned with ten big pies. You cannot 
imagine how popular I was among the 
kids until we had consumed the purchase. 
I ate so much raisin pie on this occasion 
that ever since I have crossed this delicacy 
from my menu. 

Father gave me two dollars one 
Fourth of July, and as I never had this 
much cash at one time in my life before, 
I was in a quandary as how to dispose of 
it. After much deliberation, I decided to 
invest every cent of it in punk, which 
could be had at eight sticks for a cent. 
I entirely forgot about fire crackers, 
consequently, I had all punk and no fire 
crackers. It has been unnecessary for any 
of the family of relations to buy any punk 
from that day unto this. 



[17] 



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MY PHILOSOPHY 
OF LIFE 

HEN I was a kid, I 
can still recall the 
manner in which I 
was forced to live, 
and sometimes I 
think that the most 
unfortunate calamity 
that can happen to any youngster, par- 
ticularly if he comes to light in a small 
country town, is to be crowned with a head 
of red hair ; even though some of the most 
remarkable men of all ages, not speaking 
of myself, have been the possessors of 
hair of this hue. I was a hard-looking 
kid, and while I might, and no doubt did, 
give evidence of future greatness, this was 
only appreciated by the clerk in the com- 
pany store, the teacher and the parish 
priest, also my home people or family. 

I was not given to the inclination of 
refinement and always displayed an ab- 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



horrence toward things conventional. I 
never knew what such a thing as a picnic 
or an outing meant, and ice cream and 
other luxuries were things only read 
about in books. The only delicacy that 
I ever knew, when a kid, was raisin pie, 
and this was only served on Sunday 
morning, and then only to those who 
happened to be up in time. As a rule, I 
was on the job. 

I used to think that if I ever got to be 
a man I would have all the best things in 
the world, such as raisin pies, store cakes 
and dried herring. But we change more 
or less with time, and today I find that I 
am not so desirous for these things as I 
had expected. 

When I became old enough to go to 
school, I felt that my little heart would 
break, as I did not want to be compelled 
to spend the days indoors when there was 
so much fun outside; and even now I feel 
that too much study is not the best thing 

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FOR A DAY 

in the world, as, after all, I am certain that 
a man with a good healthy body and 
appetite and a few children, also a good 
natured neighbor, to help out in time of 
trouble, is all that one needs to be real 
happy. 

The big men of the world, with their 
wives of the Laura Jean Libby school, are 
not the whole show, and I notice that 
this sort are given to take the rapid 
transit more than are the poorer kind. 
They eat too much and try to take in 
too much life in one day. They are not 
satisfied with one show a day, but insist 
on a matinee, a dinner, some social call- 
ing and now and then a trip abroad. 
They are an envious lot, and a little wart 
on their face or a blemish on their body, 
providing it is visible (and these days 
they display so much of their bodies that 
it is hard to place it away from the gaze 
of the public) , will annoy them more than 
an attack of typhoid fever will the ones 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



of the lesser circles. I remember my 
home town people and the things that 
they enjoyed, and I sometimes think that 
as I grow in would-be wisdom I pay the 
price in other w 7 ays. 

My father would take in a parade 
every St. Patrick's Day, and in order to 
get prepared for the occasion, it v/ould 
take mother and a few of the neighbors 
more than two weeks making the prepara- 
tions ; and how grand he w 7 ould look at me, 
w r ith the gilt on his trousers and the sword 
that his old father left him as a relic of 
the other days! One St. Patrick's Day 
my father and a few of the older men of 
the town had to have horses for the 
parade, but as they could not get any 
around the day in question, they went to 
the mine boss and asked him to let them 
have a few mules that had just come from 
the West. They acted very mild and 
seemed to be trained for the day until 
the band commenced to play. The 

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mules made a bee line for some place, 
and it was more than a week after when 
the leaders of the day limped back into 
town. It was no joke with father, and 
woe to anyone of us that ever referred to 
the incident! 

You know that we have some things 
that do not require explanation, and I 
recall the old school teacher telling father 
about this, and he was trying to think of 
something that would exemplify what he 
meant. "Well," said my father, "I know 
one thing that don't need any explana- 
tion." "What is it?" said the teacher. 
"Well, now suppose we were having our 
St. Patrick's Day celebration and some 
Dutchman tried to stop it, does this need 
any explanation?" 

But I began to speak and tell of the 
things of life, and what we do and do not 
get. As I said, I was a red-haired young- 
ster, and after I got going to school I had 
one hard time of it trying to keep afoot, 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



and it would be better for many a man if 
God had endowed me with any other sort 
of hair, as I know that many a kid 
received beatings that put him to an early 
grave due to the fact that he wanted to 
have some fun with me. 

I would rather fight than study, and 
I can say truthfully that I did more of the 
former. The teacher that took me in 
hand was an old maid, and she didn't 
like me because my father beat her dad 
for the office of township supervisor; but 
this was no fault of mine, however. The 
sins of the parents are often visited on the 
children and I was obliged to suffer for 
my father's greatness. 

He was a remarkable man, was 
father, and many's the time I have heard 
him speak of the men that he put away 
with only one and, now and then, two 
punches — generally one, unless they hap- 
pened to be more than two hundred 
pounds. He wanted to make a bishop 

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FOR A DAY 

out of me, and no doubt I would be such 
today if the mines had worked a little 
more than they did; and perhaps it is to 
be regretted, for I feel I would have made 
a great preacher. 

The other members of our family all 
appeared to be of the ordinary sort and 
only now and then gave any evidence of 
being kin to me. I put up a great fight 
at school in those days, and I know that 
my early traits had much to do with my 
after life, for fighting never hurt any kid. 
An old neighbor, who was a German, 
said to father one day: "Mr. McDevitt, 
how is it that the Irish fight so much 
amongst themselves?' ' "Well," said my 
father, "an Irishman, when he fights, 
likes to have a good scrap." 

One's early life is always more or 
less a quandary, and as you become older, 
it is hard to recall the many little inci- 
dents that occurred. I often sit with my 
old mother and have her relate how I 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



spent my younger days and what I used 
to do. "Oh," she would say, "Johnny, 
you were a bad boy, and I often used to 
think that something awful would happen 
to you; but, thanks be, you are all right." 
And let me say right here that the most 
beautiful character that God ever gave 
this world is the good old Irish mother. 
All mothers love their children, but show 
me the Irish mother that would not 
sacrifice all the world owned to help even 
the boy that the world called useless and 
dangerous. 

The Irish mother loves to watch her 
children, and when they do wrong she will 
sit with them and offer them her good and 
wholesome old-fashioned advice. It is 
not the kind you read about in the modern 
columns of the day, but the heart kind 
that has its effect, and God only knows if 
it were not for this type of women the 
Irish race would have more bad and use- 
less men. 

I left school at an age that was very 
young, and, in order to help out, I en- 

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FOR A DAY 



gaged as a slate picker in the coal breaker, 
and I never since pass these institutions 
but I grit my teeth, recalling, as I do, 
the hardships I put in while a kid. Per- 
haps it is just as well that we are from 
circumstances forced to do these things, 
but it is hard to imagine that such hard- 
ships as the breaker are necessary. Just 
think of a boy of nine years going to 
work before sunrise and not leaving for his 
home until long after the sun has sunk! 
But greed is always with us, and if there is 
a hereafter, I would rather not have you 
ask me to what port the coal operators 
will hit. 

I was obliged to work around the 
coal works for a number of years, but I 
soon drifted forth and, for the next few 
years of my life, was doing stunts that 
are known as hobo life or on the bum. 

Having little knowledge of the world, 
I was seriously handicapped, but I had the 
grit to go forth ; and I am glad I did so, 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



for I often look back over those days and 
realize that this sort of life did more for 
me than anything else in my career. I 
traveled about twenty states and rang 
every door bell in sight, either in an 
attempt to sell some junk or else seeking 
something to eat. I hit Toledo, Ohio, 
one day while on this mission, and I 
remember I was forced to go to a rescue 
mission for shelter. A very pleasant- 
looking lady came to the door, and when 
I informed her that I wished to be taken 
care of, she asked me if I was satisfied to 
follow our Lord. At this period it was 
immaterial to me who I followed, and I 
told her so, hence, I was taken into the 
fold and made comfortable for the time 
being. We had to chop wood. When I 
say "we," I mean the other three hun- 
dred bums that were registered there. I 
think that every part of the world had a 
representative on the list, and all I 
heard was one boe asking the others 

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about such and such a town and places 
where feed was easy to get. We were 
compelled to take a bath, and while some 
of us objected, I am forced to admit that 
we all needed the same. After this we 
went to our beds, and I was very much 
amused at the manner in which we were 
put away. 

If you ever got into a shoe store 
after a busy day and watched how the 
clerks put up the shoes, it would give you 
some idea of the way we went to our 
bunks. Every fellow had some little com- 
plaint to make about the size of his bed, 
as room was very scarce and we had to 
make the most of a bad job. For our 
breakfast, it was not so much what you 
liked, but what they gave. We were 
emphatically told not to touch anything 
on the table until grace had been said, 
and, as I was a new comer, I took my 
time to my sorrow, for I was forced to go 
until the next meal without a morsel. 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



But, believe me, I was wiser the next 
turn, and long before the minister had 
finished grace I had mine. 

I met a fellow by the name of DeMar, 
after I had left the institution, and we 
bummed it for a distance of five hundred 
miles, and for three days we didn't have 
a bit to eat. DeMar told me he used to 
be a glass eater at one time in a side show, 
and one afternoon I brought him in a 
few bottles for a lunch. We were making 
a freight car our headquarters. I never 
knew what became of my friend and often 
think of him. 

I reached Philadelphia in a few days 
and I got a few dollars together and paid 
for a furnished room one dollar per week. 
It was not as artistic as the one I had at 
the Waldorf, but it came in handy just 
then. I was soon broke and penniless, and 
the sad part of it was that I was rooming 
over a restaurant and during the night — 
I, good and sleepy, hungry and tired — I 

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could hear the waiters shout out: "Pork 
and beans! Eggs — make it two! Coffee 
one! Steak, small! Ham and eggs — eggs 
sunny side up!" and nothing coming my 
way. 

I was tickled to death when I struck 
home, and the only part of returning was 
that I would have to explain to father 
what I did with his new trousers, as I 
took these with me when I went forth; 
but he left me off easy. I suppose he 
was glad to see me home again; I know 
I was pleased to be there. 



[31] 



HUMOR 



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WAS invited, sometime 
ago,to address a body 
of men, they having 
selected for my sub- 
ject, "Humor and Its 
Effect on Men." I 
am naturally a bright 
fellow, hence never hesitate to tackle any 
subject that may be given me, and those 
who have heard me speak will, I am sure, 
not consider me egotistical when I say 
that the world has few men that can com- 
pare with me when it comes to making 
an address. I made a particularly fine 
speech on this occasion, dwelling at 
length on the meaning of humor and how 
it is so often mistaken and used synony- 
mously with wit, while they, wit and 
humor, are really at antipodes. My effort 
was received with a spontaneous round of 
enthusiastic applause for my knowledge 
of the subject, my delivery, for every - 

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A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

thing in fact that goes to make a speech a 
grand success. But, however learnedly I 
handled my subject, I had a sneaking 
feeling that my audience did not fully 
comprehend me, although it was com- 
posed mostly of clergymen, lawyers and 
doctors — men a little above the ordinary 
in intelligence one would naturally think. 

After much cogitation on the sub- 
ject, I came to the conclusion that my 
erudition is so marked, and especially so 
when I get a subject that interests me, 
whereby I can give full swing to my 
natural endowments, that I simply speak 
on and on, not knowing myself where or 
how I came by such deep and profound 
knowledge. 

It may be interesting to those not 
having had the pleasure of hearing me 
to know how I would begin a subject of 
this kind. Well, for the benefit of that 
vast multitude, I will say that I opened 
my address by saying: " Gentlemen, I 

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might proceed by saying that I am not a 
speaker, or I might say that I am sur- 
prised that you should select me for this 
auspicious occasion; but I am not going 
to say anything of these things, for I 
know that I am an excellent speaker and 
one who can and will measure up to the 
best in the land, and on any occasion, be 
it what it will." 

Humor to me is not the thing that 
most men accept as the funny things of 
life; for, after all, the most delicate vein 
of this characteristic is only appreciated 
by the very few, and no one can appre- 
ciate good and wholesome humor who has 
not suffered more or less the adversities 
of life, for only in this way can one hope 
to have a criterion for comparison. 

I happened to be in company, some 
years ago, with the late Mark Twain and 
we discussed some phases of life. I will 
always remember the pleasant evening I 
spent, and often recall some of the droll 

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FOR A DAY 

things he said on that occasion. As a 
fitting sample of his dry humor, he said : 
"Should your hat blow off your head, 
never trouble yourself to go after it. 
There is always some one in the crowd 
who will do this for you." It was Mark 
Twain who said that he made his best 
speeches on his way home in a cab; and 
also that repartee is the thing we speak 
or think about the next day. 

A minister said to me one day: 
"Mr. McDevitt, you know I sometimes 
think that the Irish do not possess the 
peculiar vein of humor that we ascribe to 
them." I called an old fellow over who 
was working near by, an Irishman, and 
I said: "Dan, the preacher wants to ask 
you a question and I would be obliged if 
you would answer him quickly and truth- 
fully." "Dan," said the preacher, "I was 
just thinking if you and I were to die 
tonight, who do you think the devil 
would come after first?" "Well," said 
Dan, "I think he would come after me 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



first, as he would be damn good and sure 
of you." 

An old fellow, by the name of Hearn, 
stopped me one day and said: "John, 
I am dying for a drink ; will you bring me 
in Casey's and buy me a whisky?" I 
said: "All right, old man, come on in." 
We stood at the bar and I called the 
bartender over and said: "Let me have 
two whiskies." I had no sooner said 
this, when Hearn piped out: "Let me 
have two, too." 

The most wholesome humor is not 
always the kind that produces laughter. 

An orator is a man who can make a 
good speech in the presence of his wife. 

Repartee is the bright and witty 
thing we think. about the next day. 

A pig is always a pig. 

It requires a brave man to speak in 
natural tones while riding in a street car. 

P. T. Barnum said the American 
people liked to be humbugged. P. T. 

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FOR A DAY 

was wrong; we do not wish to be hum- 
bugged, but if we happen to be, please 
don't inform us of the fact. 

All one has to do in this age, when 
the world is seeking novelty and spice, is 
to do something different from what the 
people have been accustomed to and you 
will attract attention. You know the 
world is becoming smaller every day — 
the fast steamers, rapid railway trains and 
the new and modern system of "get there" 
are bringing the once distant places with- 
in a few days of our very doors. Hence, 
when one thinks the thing over, it is very 
reasonable to understand how any ad- 
venture with a unique atmosphere and 
more or less human interest .would cause 
the country to sit up and listen. 

A young man by the name of 
McDevitt, referring to myself, drifted 
along through this old world in a sort of 
happy go lucky, aimless way, nothing in 
particular to look forward to and, being 

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A MILLIONAIRE 



of a free and easy nature, cared little for 
what came or did not come. As far back 
as my memory goes, I can recall that the 
people on this planet appeared to esti- \ 
mate everyone and everything by their 
ability to amass money. And even as a 
child, I was astonished at the methods 
some pursued in order to obtain the all 
powerful dollar. Honesty cannot keep 
pace with our modern progress, and so it 
is in the mad desire to procure the dollar 
men prove themselves to be far below the 
standard which God surely intended. 

Being of an imaginative turn of 
mind, I figured when I had not yet dis- 
carded the little breeches supported by 
one suspender, and that one often held in 
place by a nail or a bit of stick, that 
success in life was not so many dollars 
and cents, but that if one only had the 
courage he could find more real happiness 
in doing as he pleased than to adhere to 
the customs made proper by repetition. 

[38] 



FOR A DAY 



I always notice that people are 
ashamed to do certain things that are 
small in themselves, but taken from the 
point of etiquette, then become quite 
gigantic. For instance, you seldom or 
never see a person eating a sandwich on 
the street, although I am quite sure 
many a fellow would like to ; and when did 
anyone ever hear two people speak in 
natural tones while on a street car? We 
don't eat on the street, due to custom, 
and we are inclined to live our lives 
according to a set of rules. Now, I 
made up my mind many moons ago that 
the world was eager for novelty, and 
because of this, I set forth to do things 
from my own point of view, and I have 
discovered that I am more contented 
than the multitude. 

You know people are afraid of each 
other, and this is one reason why we 
miss many a pleasant hour that we might 
enjoy if we only possessed sufficient cour- 

[39] 



< A MILLIONAIRE 



age. For instance, the starting of a con- 
versation while traveling or while spend- 
ing an hour in some strange restaurant; 
this does not require the kind of courage 
Don Quixote possessed when he sallied 
forth in all his splendor to defend the 
oppressed and avenge the injured, but it 
requires courage nevertheless. And this 
is just where I shine; I invariably take 
advantage of such conditions and usually 
am quite pleased with myself for the 
effort. 

I am reminded here of the tactics 
used by most men, viz., they tell a woman 
all the nice little things they can think 
about when they first meet ; their fund of 
the "nice little things' ' soon runs out; 
they become tiresome old fogies to the 
fair damsel, so the poor misguided lobster 
is "passed up" in order that she might 
indulge in a little more flattery from the 
next fellow that comes her way. Now, 
my plan of procedure is to tell her a few 

[40] 



FOR A DAY 



disagreeable things at first, then tell her 
something that will arouse her curiosity, 
for the gods have never yet given us a 
woman who will leave a man when her 
curiosity has been aroused and not fully 
satisfied. 

I traveled through this country al- 
most from end to end, and this gives a 
chap, providing he starts out with a 
goodly amount of gray matter and the 
cells are lively and in good working order 
a very valuable training. Reading and 
general conversation afterward become 
more interesting, as one seldom becomes 
interested in anything he is not familiar 
with, and travel to my mind is the best 
school. 

I had more or less hard luck as I 
wandered through the land and I can 
still find myself biting my teeth when 
certain pictures pass through my mind. 
When a boy, I dreamed beautiful dreams 
of the South and I longed for the time 

[4i] 

i 



A MILLIONAIRE 



when I could satisfy my yearning to 
visit that land of peaceful good fellow- 
ship. That time came, and truth to tell, 
I was sadly disappointed with the much 
lauded home of chivalry and hospitality. 
I know it makes good reading and it 
sounds nice and I can readily understand 
how it appeals to the sentimental; but 
take it from me, those admirable attri- 
butes are merely chimerical. The people 
of the South are no different from other 
folks. On the contrary, I found in a great 
many instances that they are inclined to 
overestimate their worth and rest on their 
imaginary laurels. I met a number of 
those so-called colonels — men who felt 
that because of the fact of their being 
slave holders at one time, they were en- 
titled to more honor and prestige than 
one who did not. 

There is one thing about the South 
that I would like to emphasize, and that 
is that they have the worst kind of jails 

[42] 



FOR A DAY 



imaginable, and I don't blame anyone for 
not wanting to spend more time than 
they can help in these institutions. I met 
many, very many, "traveling men" who 
bear me out in this statement. 

After my wanderings throughout the 
country, doing everything I could think 
of to make "both ends meet, ,, selling 
patent medicine one day, giving lectures 
the next, disposing of cheap jewelry, can- 
vassing pictures, in fact, going so far as 
to preach the gospel and all because I had 
to exist. I finally turned my steps 
homeward. I had five years of this sort 
of life and was more than pleased one 
evening when I poked my head out of 
my then "special" car and beheld dear 
old Wilkes -Barre in the Wyoming Valley 
below. 

On my arrival home, I immediately 
opened up shop as a local politician, and 
be it said to my credit that, in a very 
short time, I had made a wonderful 

[43] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



advancement in handling ballot boxes and 
counting out Dutch and Welsh office 
seekers. In fact, I was looked upon as 
one of the best counters in this part of 
the state; so much so that my work 
attracted the attention of the courts, the 
sheriffs and other law makers and de- 
fenders of the law. For my own safety, 
I was finally forced to drop the business, 
but not before some of the men higher up 
in "dear old Wilkes-Barre" had profited 
and are profiting by my ability as an 
expert and fearless counter. 

You see one of the greatest troubles 
I had to contend with was the fact that 
in my ward we had so many voters who 
could not vote intelligently, and therefore 
after each election was over, I was com- 
pelled, as a matter of conscience, to take 
the ballot box to my home and look the 
votes over in order to make sure that 
there were no mistakes. Invariably, I 
was forced to erase many X's because of 

[44] 



FOR A DAY 



their misplacement. In those days we 
generally voted the straight ticket; that 
is, the Irish voted ' 'straight/ ' but the 
Germans and Welsh usually resorted to 
the bad form of cutting the ticket, which 
invariably had a more or less disagreeable 
effect on the Irish vote. 

You know a German is a peculiar 
fellow. He will dine with you, sell and 
drink beer with you, do almost any kind 
of work for you, but if you are Irish he 
will NOT vote for you. To me a Dutch- 
man is always more or less of an enigma, 
and I think that this is the light in which 
every man who has a drop of Irish blood 
in his veins looks upon him. They are 
hearty laughers, good eaters and have 
seemingly all the attributes that go to 
make up a "good fellow/ ' but they have 
no sand when disappointed, and it takes 
little for them to "do the German.' ' 
While this might be, and from a selfish 
point of view very often is, a benefit to 

[45] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

the community in which he lived, accord- 
ing to Sunday school teaching, he will 
not be entitled to a grand stand seat in 
the final distribution of places. 

I am told they are good soldiers, and 
while this, no doubt, is true, it does not 
signify that it is due to their courage. 
Get a crowd of Dutch women worked up 
and they will make more noise than the 
same number of men. 

I have been informed that Teddy 
Roosevelt is Dutch. Well, if so. take it 
from me that there is some Irish in him 
somewhere. You know he decided to 
quit the game sometime ago. This was 
the German part of him. An Irishman 
never knows when he is licked, and if 
you have been reading the newspapers, 
you have noticed that he is back in the 
game again. My father says that the 
best anyone ever got from an Irishman 
was a draw. 

[46] 



RUNNING FOR 
MAYOR 





A 





FTER establishing 
myself as a politician 
in my home town, I 
felt, as men generally 
do, that the time was 
opportune for me to 
come before the 
voters and have them pay me a tribute in 
handing me one of the best offices in the 
gift of the public, and in looking over the 
situation, I agreed with myself and two 
or three friends that I would launch 
forth as a mayoralty candidate. As the 
Republican ticket on this election con- 
tained the names of six others and none 
Irish, I concluded that I had a chance to 
sneak in. I guessed badly, for, believe 
me, I got one of the most artistic wallop- 
ings any candidate ever received at the 
hands of any party or people. In one 
ward, where I sent one hundred cigars, 

[47] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



they gave me two votes, I still feel that 
they owe me ninety-eight cigars, or else 
the equivalent in votes, as, after all, votes 
are not worth much more than a good 
cigar when you look about and see who 
is being elected. 

The papers, during my campaign, 
spoke very modestly about my being a 
candidate and I was usually known as 
"Others," and "Etc." I endeavored to 
have our leading papers say something 
about me, but I was informed by the 
business manager that their rates were 
a dollar per inch. I gave the fellow in 
question a dollar and asked him to give 
me two inches for one-half day, instruct- 
ing him to withdraw my ad. at noon. 

One of the papers asked the voters to 
stand by the best man and cast their 
votes accordingly, but withal I was de- 
feated. Lew Kniffen, the fellow who 
won out, was an undertaker, and while 
he was and is a good sort, he was not in 

[48] 



FOR A DAY 

my class. Lew was one of those men 
that never gave life a serious thought, 
and, intellectually speaking, was brilliant- 
ly illiterate; but fate or destiny has a 
hand in all things, and while I went down 
to apparent defeat, I came out of this 
fight aware of the fact that nine out of 
every ten men on this map are liars when 
it comes to the question of politics. 

I wouldn't believe any man living in 
the future, and the fact is since I got into 
the game as far as I have, I can't rely on 
myself as to what I will or will not do on 
the day when all steps lead to the booth. 

At the close of the campaign, I 
decided to hold a meeting in the county 
court house, and while I was obliged to 
depend on attracting the crowd with a 
few placards that I had posted about 
town, I was optimistic enough to appreci- 
ate the fact that the hall would be 
filled on the night in question; which 
happened as I thought. I was forced to 

[49] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



introduce myself on this occasion, as the 
chairman felt that his job was not the 
most inviting, as he felt in his heart I 
was not the man that would land the 
job. He was right. Although not overly 
courteous, I arose after the crowd had 
been accommodated, and in very brief 
words introduced myself as the next 
Mayor and the present speaker. I was 
just half right. I was the next speaker. 
I was told after the affair that more than 
seven hundred could not gain admittance, 
and I also noticed that when the vote 
was made known, I received this number. 
So that those who did not hear the 
speech voted for me, while the two 
thousand who listened to me decided to 
vote another way. The day of election 
I asked my father to vote for me. "What 
ticket are you running on?" "Why, on 
the Republican," I said. "Well, if that's 
the case, you don't get my vote. I 
would rather go to a Protestant church 

[50] 



FOR A DAY 



than vote that ticket." You know, in 
our locality you are not asked if you are 
a Democrat or a Republican; it's "Are 
you a Democrat or a Protestant?" 

History records the fact that I was 
defeated, and this will suffice. I was 
willing to offer myself as their candidate, 
and since they rejected the offer, then 
it's their funeral, not mine. Some day 
they will realize the mistake when it is 
too late. 



[51] 



CANDIDATE FOR 
COUNTY TREASURER 




FTER a lapse of time 
in which I devoted 
myself to many- 
things, I again got 
stung by the political 
bee, and as a county 
election was listed, I 
decided to announce myself as a candidate 
for one of the many offices, and as it was 
immaterial what ticket I filed on, I 
arranged accordingly to tackle the County 
Commissionership — four thousand dol- 
lars. But on my way to the courts to 
have my petition filed, I discovered that 
I, in some way, had lost the paper. This 
necessitated another, and as I only had 
one paper left, and this a Democratic one, 
I was forced to file as a candidate on this 
ticket; and as a consequence, I became a 
Democratic candidate for the office of 
County Treasurer. 

[52] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

I noticed that two Germans had 
already filed for this office, and I recall 
my father saying that any Irishman 
could beat two Dutchmen; and I know 
now that he was right, for when the dust 
had lifted and all was over, I was nomi- 
nated for the great big office — ten or 
twelve thousand dollars, and believe me, 
I became a rather important factor in 
the old town for the next week or so, 
as it was one of the modern wonders to 
have the name of John Jay McDevitt 
proclaimed in big print as a real nominee. 

But those in power realized that a 
man of McDevitt's type would be a sure 
factor in killing every other fellow's 
chance, and they came to me with tears 
in their eyes asking me to resign and 
allow some good German to fill the 
vacancy. You note that I was nominated 
because of the fact that I was Irish and 
now it's about to react. I will in all 
truthfulness say that I was more inclined 

[53] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

to remain on the ticket than to step 
aside, but they made many offers; a few 
they kept and others were cast to the 
wind. But this at least happened: I 
was handed twenty-five hundred dollars 
and I took the cash. 

Shortly after my election, or nomi- 
nation, the entire bunch of candidates 
tendered themselves a banquet ; but I was 
out of town, and consequently they did 
not make any effort to get me. I re- 
turned in a few days and was somewhat 
sore over the treatment; but I imme- 
diately got busy and arranged to give 
myself a banquet, which I did, and I had 
an excellent time. It cost me a few 
dollars, but it was worth it all. One of 
the York State papers summed it up as 
follows : 



[54] 



HUMORIST AND 
PHILOSOPHER 




HE campaign has pro- 
duced many results 
— and one revelation. 
"The revelation 
is John Jay McDev- 
itt, of Wilkes-Barre, 
Pa. 

"It was worth all this bother to 
find that we possess Mr. McDevitt. 

"It isn't every campaign that dis- 
closes a gentleman, good fellow, humorist 
and philosopher all rolled into one. 

"Mr. McDevitt was nominated for 
something or other, they say as a joke. 

"Others not taking him seriously, he 
didn't take himself so and resigned from 
the ticket. 

"That didn't prevent him being in 
request for stump speeches, and he made 
some dandy ones. 

[55] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



"After election, as nobody tendered 
him a banquet, he decided to tender one 
to himself. He ordered the spread, as 
host introduced himself to himself, and 
as guest of honor responded; the whole 
being appropriately finished by three 
hearty cheers from McDevitt for Mc- 
Devitt. 

"John Jay McDevitt, of Wilkes- 
Barre, Pa., deserves a lot of credit for 
introducing a wholesome infusion of the 
milk of human kindness and the sparkling 
champagne of jocoseness into a rather 
grim, bitter and strenuous struggle. 

"We'd rather see a campaign like 
McDevitt' s than one all gall, vinegar and 
boneset tea. 

"We'd rather see a man like Mc- 
Devitt not take himself seriously enough, 
but to pull off his coat and help the party, 
than have a man take himself so seriously 
that he won't help the party at all. 

"The spectacle of McDevitt acting 
as his own entertainment committee and 

[56] 



FOR A DAY 

after-dinner speaker is a great deal finer 
than would be the spectacle of McDevitt 
sulking because a delegation of obse- 
quious gentlemen didn't appear and offer 
him a monogrammed watch or a gold- 
headed cane. 

"If Wilkes-Barre didn't join in the 
cheers from McDevitt, Wilkes-Barre 
ought to. Anyhow, we will lend him a 
hand and a throat. 

"Hurrah for McDevitt, Democrat, 
Philosopher, Humorist and all-around 
Good Fellow!" 



[57] 




EX-CANDIDATE 
McDEVITT ADDRESSES 
THE LADIES OF PARKER 
CLUB 

HJ. MCDEVITT, re- 
tired Candidate for 
County Treasurer, 
lectured last night, 
on "The Funny Side 
of Politics, " before 
the Parker Literary 
Society at the Universalist Church, South 
Main Street. "The Funny Side of 
McDevitt" would be a more comprehen- 
sive title for the lecture, as politics was 
by no means his only subject. 

He enlightened his auditors on the 
question of "Why Green Lights Are on 
the City Lockup"; he told them "Why 
Women Should not Have Suffrage"; he 
explained "Why no Men Should be on 
School Boards"; he described "The Lack 
of Intelligence Among the Voters in 

[58] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

Certain Wards of the City" — the wards 
where his own votes were light; he de- 
clared that " Women are Nearly Always 
Honest," and gave a reason for it; besides 
tracing, in entertaining fashion, his own 
political career and delving swiftly and 
cleverly into a multitude of topics as 
fancy dictated. 

He ventured to take the stand that 
it is not corrupt to give a man two dollars 
for his vote. "He may need the two 
dollars for a pair of shoes or something to 
eat, and it is better for him to get the two 
dollars than to have any opposing candi- 
date buy his vote for one dollar and sixty 
cents." 

He spoke at length on the Irish, 
being led to do this by the recollection of 
the fact that he had been told to get off 
the Democratic ticket because there were 
seven Irishmen on it. McDevitt de- 
clared that there cannot be too many 
Irish any place, but complained that this 

[59] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



view does not find the general acceptance 
it ought to find. Then he switched to 
the Lockup's green lights. 

"You see the green lights on the 
outside of the Lockup? Why are they 
there? I'll tell you why. It is so a 
Dutchman will not have so much trouble 
in getting an Irishman there." 

McDevitt sorrowfully deplored the 
lack of intelligence among many of the 
voters. "Why, for instance, I got only 
two votes in the Tenth Ward. Tell me, 
is there any intelligence in that ward? 
And up in an East End ward I gave away 
ninety-eight cigars (I know because I 
counted them), and only four votes were 
cast for me. Were there more than four 
intelligent voters there?" 

He said that although he believes 
Miss Trescott will be sorry to be a member 
of the School Board if she is elected, 
nevertheless he believes that all the 
members of the School Board should be 

[60] 



FOR A DAY 

women. "It is no place for men on the 
School Board; they know nothing about 
children. I have a brother with twelve 
children, and he can remember the names 
of only four of them. When he named 
them, he ran out of saints after the 
fourth and then had to get names from 
palace cars and such things as that. Now 
he can't remember the names of eight of 
his own children." 



[61] 



TALK TOO MUCH 
TO TAKE GRAFT 



g^r^V ./"-^-WTTTTrmTTrrmr^ 






§ 

raj 


IB 


§^m® 



HEN there is another 
advantage to women 
in public office. Wo- 
men, as a rule, are 
honest. They have 
to be. They talk so 
much that if they 
were to take any graft they would soon 
get themselves in wrong. 

"But I don't believe in woman's 
suffrage, and I believe most women do 
not, because I asked one of them. 'Do 
you believe in woman's suffrage?' and she 
replied, 'No, we suffer enough already.' " 
McDevitt warned his women audi- 
tors that voting is strictly a masculine 
job. "Why, if you women could vote, 
you would all vote for the best-looking 
man on the ticket and that would make 
your husbands jealous and there would 
be war in the family." 

[62] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

McDevitt punctuated his philosoph- 
ical advice and comment with many 
anecdotes and jokes. Most of his stories 
left his audience shouting with laughter. 
Here are two of them : An Irish farmer, 
while hoeing potatoes in a field one day, 
was hailed by a priest who was passing 
by. "Hello, Pat! what kind of potatoes 
are you raising?' ' "And sure, father, 
they're raw potatoes." "Smart you think 
you are, Patrick, and I wonder if you know 
your Catholic catechism as well as such 
smart sayings?" And the farmer vowed 
that he did. "Well, I'll ask you a ques- 
tion, ' ' said the priest. "What is baptism?" 
And the farmer, still hoeing the potatoes, 
replied: "Five dollars, father; but before 
you came here it was only three dollars." 

McDevitt said he once owed Barney 
O'Rourke, his landlord, sixty dollars for 
rent. Barney came to him one day and 
said if McDevitt would pay thirty dollars, 
he would throw off the other half. "Well," 

[63] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



said McDevitt, "since you have been so 
kind as to throw off one-half, I don't 
want you to exceed me in good nature, 
so I will throw off the other half." 

McDevitt was at times a conundrum 
to his audience last night and there were 
moments of suspense when the audience 
did not know whether to be shocked by 
McDevitt's radicalism or amused. In 
most instances, however, his eccentricity 
was so rich with humor that it captured 
the crowd and most everybody laughed, 
even if sometimes it would have been 
much more conventional to be shocked. 

Not infrequently McDevitt left his 
audience gasping, especially by an utter 
failure to guard his utterances on religious 
differences. He said that people of today 
think they are riot bigoted, but that 
most of them are very much biased. 

PENNILESS CANDIDATE 

He told how he entered the race for 
the county treasurership penniless, and 

[64] 



FOR A DAY 

how easy it was for him to get a place on 
the ticket, and how hard it was for him to 
get off. He said that to his knowledge 
he did not spend a cent to get the nomina- 
tion, although he received several contri- 
butions to his campaign fund. He re- 
membered receiving one dollar for making 
a speech at a mass meeting in East End 
and four dollars from Todd Walsh. And 
then he had to get off the ticket because 
there were too many Irish on it. "But 
when Lincoln issued his proclamation 
there were not too many Irish. They 
were glad enough to get them as soldiers, 
and they went, too." 

And so McDevitt rambled on for an 
hour or more with his audience — some- 
times laughing, sometimes giggling, not 
knowing whether it was time to laugh or 
look angrily amazed, and sometimes 
wondering very hard what kind of a man 
was there before them, anyhow. 

But McDevitt didn't care what his 
audience thought or how they acted. He 

[65] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

just went on and talked. He must be 
pretty flush these days, for going upon 
the car to the square he paid the re- 
porter's car fare. Maybe the reader 
thinks that's the reason he gets such a 
long account of his lecture in the paper 
this morning. Unworthy thought! 
There's a stronger reason, and it is just 
because McDevitt is McDevitt. There 
is nobody like him. 



[66] 



ADVICE TO 
YOUNG GIRLS 



iimiimij 


SC^* *»3s 


?§»ip- 




D 


fV/sf^l 13 


f%j^^\Mi 





ON'T eat onions Wed- 
nesday or Sunday 
evenings. 

Don't mind it if 
your family tree is a 
little shady; some 
men prefer to sit in 
the shade. 
Don't imagine that it is your clever- 
ness that inveigles the fellow away from 
the other girl; sometimes the man in 
question has something to do with it. 

Keep yourself looking good, even 
though your poor mother is obliged to do 
the work. You must get a husband, you 
know. 

If your foot is number four, it will 
take a number four shoe to fit it. 

Don't speak of your sister's "cute" 
children. Men, as a rule, look upon all 
children as [whisper] brats. 

[67] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

What the world terms "a good wife" 
is not the most interesting kind of woman. 

When old women begin to tell you 
about a sensible girl, you don't have to see 
her to know that she is very plain looking. 

If you are aware of the fact that you 
are not good looking, don't associate 
with those who are. It makes a contrast 
that does not help you any. 

Always remember that you can jolly 
any man by telling him how much differ- 
ent he is from others. We all fall for this. 

It don't hurt you if the world thinks 
you go to church for the spiritual good it 
will do you. You know yourself it is not so. 

If you have been indiscreet, don't 
tell your husband about it. He may 
never find it out. 

When out for a lunch with some 
fellow, tell him to do the ordering, and 
you will get more. 

No girl ever looked good in her bare 
feet. 

[68] 




THINGS MEN 
DON'T LIKE 

O be kissed by a wo- 
man he doesn't like. 
To have the wo- 
man he cares for tell 
him how clever an- 
other fellow is, par- 
ticularly if he hap- 
pens to be in the same line of business. 

To hear a woman use slang or try to 
be funny. 

To be asked in the presence of the 
mother and father to tell who he thinks 
the baby looks like. 

To have a girl tell her sister things a 
a bit soft in his hearing. 

To see the picture of his wife's 
mother or father hanging in the parlor. 
To hook his wife's dress three months 
after their marriage. 

To have a woman get the best of 
him in an argument. 

[69] 



MY VENTURE 




WILL always recall the 
day or two prior to 
my sudden flight into 
notoriety and, inci- 
dentally, the great 
White Way. Wilkes- 
Barre had in other 
days many men of the metropolitan 
press here at times when the coal mines 
lay idle as a matter of a coal strike. But 
never before in the history of the town 
had we so many of the special brand in 
our midst. I found these writers a jolly 
lot, good fellows all — some tall, others 
short and stalky, but in one respect all 
similar — drunk. 

I appreciated the reasons of their 
coming — I was hailed as a new star on 
the horizon of novelty. I had conceived 
a new and original idea. I was to be a 
millionaire for a day and this is what 
caused the big papers to send forth their 

[70] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

best men to see and speak to McDevitt. 
I had chartered my train and trained my 
valet and, after engaging my private 
physician, as I recalled reading sometime 
when younger that great men die young, 
I was not going to take any chances. The 
hotel was crowded from top to bottom, 
and the curious began to come this way 
long before the morning sun had appeared 
in the east. I suppose that's the appear- 
ing point ; at least such was the case when 
I was inclined to come forth from my 
bed in the morning. But, thanks to 
the development of personal intellect, I 
have long since gotten away from early 
rising. I was not cold to the fact that I 
was the center of a curious crowd, and I 
was forced to smile many and many a 
time when the thought would occur to 
me, and, to be candid, I would sometimes 
take a look at myself in the glass and 
endeavor to fathom the cause. 

I was going to take a train to New 
York and have one big day of it, and for 

[71] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



this I had decided to spend, say fifteen 
hundreds of dollars — money that came 
easy, and why not ? It never really 
occurred to me, in the ofTstart, that my 
little venture would cause this general 
uprising in the field of newspaperdom. 
But how strange a lot we are after all ! 
Here we find a character practically 
unknown, who, because of his desires to 
live like a money man for one day, the 
world sits up and says to the news 
gatherers, "Go forth and find out for me 
what sort of man he is;" and forth they 
went, but did they return with a proper 
outline of the man? They think "yes." 
but I know different. I know better than 
anyone else what sort I am, and, after 
reading the hundred and one accounts ap- 
pearing in the different papers in this and 
other countries, I sat back and laughed 
— laughed as I never did before. Acres 
of space were taken up in telling what I 
was, how I made the money, and only in 

[72] 



FOR A DAY 

very few instances did I discover any- 
thing near the truth. I felt that when 
these chaps from the large cities, meaning 
New York and Philadelphia, came this 
way, they would look out to find this 
fellow McDevitt, and I also know that 
they had anticipated discovering a loud, 
vulgar and illiterate being, one practically 
void of refinement or good taste. But to 
their surprise, they found a man who 
happened to know his game, and at that 
they must hand it to me for knowing 
their weaknesses, for, like the small boys, 
tell a big news man that you have noth- 
ing to give him and all h — 1 can't keep him 
away, and in my case I had it doped out 
that if I am to get the best of this deal I 
must appear less eager and anxious than 
ever. Hence they realized that I was not 
in the business for the sake of commercial- 
izing my notoriety, and the result was 
page after page of good old metropolitan 
paper. 

[73] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



I arose a little after noon on the day 
of my departure, and I was greeted with 
a loud cheer when I entered my dining 
room. I had slept very peacefully the 
night past and was feeling lovely. My 
mail, consisting of more than one hundred 
letters and telegrams, was handed to me 
by my private secretary, and after a 
hurried glance during my repast, mean- 
ing light lunch, I noticed that I had re- 
ceived many offers from the theatrical 
world. But I was fixed on this. I 
would not take up the stage ; mine was a 
different aim. I had my valet procure 
a lot of small coins, such as dollars and 
five dollars, in gold, enough to fill two 
pockets, and after taking a drink of some 
imported water, I . stepped into my cab 
or automobile and proceeded to my 
train, which was now at the station. 
Teddy had a big crowd, so did Bryan, 
but I had more than either, and in look- 
ing over the vast throng of the curious 

[74] 



FOR A DAY 

that had gathered, the thought again 
occurred to me, "What does it all mean? 
What am I doing that should attract 
these people? I am not going forth to 
save the land, nor have I accomplished 
any wonderful feat. I have engaged a 
special train and I am going to spend 
some money.' ' Hence I concluded that 
the reason for this outpouring of humanity 
was due to the value placed on a dollar. 
They wanted to see a man who thought 
so little of a dollar; and when you have 
it all analyzed, you will admit that the 
bottom and top of everything has a 
dollar value. If a man succeeds, how 
much did he get? If you give the world 
a patent, how much will you get? If you 
paint a picture, what is it worth? 

McDevitt is hiring a special train to 
take him to New York. How much did 
it cost and what will he spend? Every- 
one in that crowd felt that I was a fool 
and everyone in that crowd had a reason 

[75] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



to think so. But was I? Ah, that's the 
question! I knew what I was about, and 
yet, believe me, I was told so often that 
I was a fool that I began to think, "When 
so many tell me this, there must be some- 
thing in it." 

I did want to have a big time and 
feel the sensation of a day — a day that 
would see my desires fulfilled, and now 
my friends and enemies alike told me I was 
an idiot. But me for the White Way, 
regardless, and when the old train pulled 
out after I had made a few speeches, I 
settled down and felt at ease. But how 
long would this continue? I would soon 
be in the great big city and then, God 
only knows, I would have a job on my 
hands — reporters, camera fiends and the 
multitude of curious, and I know some- 
thing of New York and the novelty- 
seeking populace. 

A funny thing struck me, as the 
train pulled out, when the conductor 

[76] 



FOR A DAY 

——a— I—— — — — ■ !■■ ■»— — «M BI I I I I I ■ III I ■ 

came to me and wanted to know where I 
would care to have the train make stops — 
I, who had been accustomed to having the 
train stopped to have me put off, and this 
happened more than once in my life — 
to think that there really came a time 
when I, John Jay, could give orders to 
run or stop at my command. In order 
to make sure that I was not dreaming, 
I ordered the conductor to make a halt, 
and to my surprise he did, and there we 
stood on the top of old Wyoming, in my 
train, and that train would not start until 
I gave the signal. This was the first 
great big laugh that I had and this was 
worth it all. My newspaper friends sat 
about me as I unraveled incidents of my 
life, and they appeared to be having a 
real big time. Every man had a bottle 
of some sort in his hand and a black 
cigar stuck in his mouth. I noticed 
they drank very freely, as it was all paid 
for, and they had no worry over the 

[77] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



possibilities of a check along the line. 
I was called out to the front to make a 
few speeches as people had flocked along 
the way to see my special pass their way. 
I spoke to all those who gathered, and 
they appeared to enjoy my stunt as 
much as myself. I was rather tired and 
weary after four or five hours' ride, and 
was not the least bit displeased when we 
struck our destination. The doctor asked 
me, on the quiet, if I had a night shirt 
with me; but realizing it would be 
daylight before we would get to bed, I 
told him that such a thing as a night 
shirt was unnecessary, as I did not con- 
template going to bed until daylight. It 
recalled to mind, when a brother of mine 
was married, I agreed to send him a bed 
room suit; but times were a little hard, 
hence I sent him a night shirt. 

It was a very cold day, the twelfth 
of January, 1912, the day that this fellow 
McDevitt went forth on his "millionaire 

[78] 



FOR A DAY 



for a day" jaunt. But I was so busy, 
from the time I left until I returned, that 
I had really forgotten about the weather. 
These reporters are an aggressive lot, and 
yet extremely modest in comparison with 
the camera fiends. We arrived at Jersey 
City some time along six o'clock, and to 
my surprise I found every news photog- 
rapher from Philadelphia to Harlem 
awaiting my arrival. I was requested to 
stand and let them have an hour at the 
taking of pictures, and after I had fixed 
my face about twenty or thirty times, in 
order that the picture would look as pleas- 
ant and agreeable as possible, I was hauled 
back into the car to have more taken. 
The fact is, I was fast beginning to appre- 
ciate my position in life. I was indeed a 
novelty, and privacy for the next twenty - 
four hours was out of the question, and 
I might as well make up my mind to 
make the best of it. I would laugh now 
and then to myself and sometimes pub- 

[79] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



licly, significant of the fact that I was 
amused. My secretary, Mr. Lenahan, 
took my hand, as I alighted from the 
train after doing stunts for art's sake, 
and ere I knew I was on my way to the 
famous Waldorf Hotel, to mingle with the 
real big lights of the city, and while I was 
a little curious, I was withal anxious to 
see what was coming next. 

I got to the doors of the hotel, and 
here again I was hailed by picture men, 
and again I smiled for the good of the 
news world. On entering the hotel, I 
was met by a large delegation of promi- 
nent people, including men and women, 
all dressed to the queen's taste, but rather 
stiff looking at their best. The women 
had on these long gloves that are sold 
by the yard and the rest of their bodies 
covered very slightly with silk and lace, 
perhaps not immodest, but yet question- 
able at that. All the women smiled the 
sort of smiles we hear about in books or 

[80] 



FOR A DAY 



plays, in which the smart set, or society 
people, are depicted. Nothing actually 
natural about it, and yet difficult to 
describe. These people would not offend 
one for the world, that is, I think not to 
one's face, but might gossip a little on 
the side. They, the women, all struck 
me as having too much powder on their 
faces, and I also concluded that they 
wore a little too much jewelry; but they 
say that this is all right, and no doubt is. 
The men walked about smoking and 
chatting, saluting the fair sex as they 
passed and all endeavoring to appear 
gentlemanly, even at the cost of physical 
uneasiness. I shook hands with a large 
number and all the while I was thinking 
that these poor silly aristocrats are mak- 
ing themselves believe that they are 
going through a novel stunt, shaking the 
hand of a new and curious factor. Per- 
haps they entertained the idea that I was 
flattering myself in having the privilege 

[81] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



of meeting them. But I knew that it 
was not an honor for me, as I had no 
particular desire to mix with them and 
felt more at home when in my two dollar 
per week room in good old Wilkes-Earre. 
My room in the hotel was all right, but 
expensive. I noticed the paper was like 
the kind in John Sweeny's new home in 
Fort Forth, and I might say John is making 
the place look rather up to date. He is 
working every day, and John, as a rule, 
takes care of his money, as he never 
drinks and seldom goes out of his house 
after supper. 

The carpet was in keeping with the 
rest of the room, or I should judge it was, 
anyhow. But what got my eye was all 
the side issues — two or three chiffoniers, 
bureaus and other settings. I had little 
use for this amount of furniture, as all 
I had with me in my grip was a pair of 
hose and an extra tie. 

My mail was brought to my room, 
and I was kept busy for some time talk- 

[82] 



FOR A DAY 

ing to reporters, answering questions of 
the curious, looking at telegrams and 
fixing my collar and neck tie in prepara- 
tion for my first real, big swell dinner. 

I was no sooner seated at the table 
in the dining room than I was surrounded 
by another new collection of news men. 
Where they all came from gets me, but 
they were there, with pencil and pad and 
a million questions. The waiter that 
served me must have received his train- 
ing on the Erie, as it took him an hour to 
get me a few eggs. I couldn't make out 
the bill of fare, but knew I wanted eggs, 
and I noticed about the time they 
struck me they were higher than the 
market price when I ordered them. If 
you recall, eggs at this time cost some- 
thing, and I will always, when anyone 
mentions eggs in the future, think of the 
fifteen dollars I paid for two. If I ever 
hit the White Way again, I will endeavor 
to have a few chickens with me. 

[83] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



Now, at this time "y° urs " was feel- 
ing slightly tired, and if I could have 
gotten away quietly, I would have given 
a thousand dollars. I wanted to sit by 
myself some place and think it over. 
But Mac, my boy, you must stick it out; 
it will not be long before you are down 
and out, clean broke and happy. 

I gave the waiter three or four dollars, 
and would have gone a few better, but 
he never smiled all the while I was eating. 
Some kid that takes up hats in the lobby 
looked as if he was expecting a tip, so 
I gave him two dollars and immediately 
asked Dr. Sweeny and the others to get 
me some place out of the atmosphere, as 
I began to feel unnatural. 

New York, the great big city that 
we talk so much about — New York with 
its avenues of novelty and attractions; 
here were people come to see all that is 
worth while, and never feel satisfied, only 
when here and never content while here, 

[8 4 ] 



FOR A DAY 

God never meant this sort of thing for 
men and women, and somehow I can't 
make myself believe that folk are sincere 
when they say they could live and die 
within its boundaries. The sky don't 
look real from Broadway and people act 
either too friendly or insolent. They all 
appear to impress you with the fact that 
they are busy and would rather have you 
think that they are making money than 
developing character. Money every- 
where — money. Men came telling me 
how much advertising I received — so 
much money. Go on the stage, my boy, 
and get it when it's coming. Here was 
McDevitt trying to dispose of so much 
money, in order that he might again be 
free and happy, and all New York kept 
saying get more. Everywhere I went it 
was the same cry: You can make a lot 
of money. I looked at myself in one of 
the mirrors, while sitting in Rector's, and 
I looked tired. I was trying to be agree- 

[85] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

able and courteous; but, John, it was 
telling on you. I was willing to spend 
my cash, but I was tired and weary 
asking people to have something. Things 
didn't cost enough and I was almost 
anxious to have some one get a burglar to 
hold me up and take what I had, so that 
I might get back to the starting point. 
I took in the play at George Cohan's 
theater, "The Little Millionaire," and 
George, it was all right; I appreciated 
your kindness and I would like at the 
time to tell you things that we always 
think about the next day, but I was 
pleased and I appreciated all the company 
did to make things pleasant. Some one 
intimated that Cohan was mixed up in 
my stunt and that one Edwin Dunn was 
here to frame up a deal. I will merely 
say that such was not true, and will not 
ask you to believe me if you feel other- 
wise. McDevitt, you know who paid the 
bill, don't you? 

[86] 



QUESTIONS 




WILL give a list of 
questions that I have 
been forced to an- 
swer from fifty to 
one hundred times 
daily, and be it said 
to my credit that I 
remained good natured through it all: 

When did you get the idea of taking 
the special train? 

Did the Board of Trade pay for it? 
How much did the railroad company 
give you? 

Don't you think you were a fool to 
spend your money in this way? 

How much did you spend all told? 
Are you going on the stage? 
Were you ever in a big hotel before? 
How much wine did you use when 
you took the wine bath? 

Why didn't you walk home? 
Aren't you sorry now? 
[87] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

Did you get much mail since your 
trip? 

Did many girls write to you? 

Well, what are you going to do now? 

The above is a partial list of the 
questions that have been coming my way 
ever since I made the trip to New York, 
and if I were not of the temperament 
that finds a peculiar humor in this sort, 
I would be doing stunts with the have- 
beens in some insane asylum. 

Do something that attracts attention 

and the world takes it for granted that 

you are compelled to answer for your 

doings. 

And when one stops to think it over, 

it is only right that the public should 

know; hence I have endeavored to answer 

all the questions in this little book; and 

let us hope that all will take advantage 

of the same, and, instead of coming to me 

for their information, seek its pages. 

[88] 



NEW YORK 







O 




. 





NE thing that attract- 
ed my attention 
while in New York 
was the ease with 
which men spent 
their money, and also 
the invitations 
extended to have something to eat and 
drink. The fact is that when not en- 
gaged in the business world the New 
Yorker feels that he must spend his time 
and money in going about eating, drink- 
ing and now and then taking in a show 
of some kind. They are not an overly 
critical lot, and I find that it does not 
require much to amuse them, just as long 
as your act is not of the circus class. The 
typical New Yorker is rather slow or dull 
from an intellectual point of view. One 
cannot get him away from New York in 
conversation or any other way. 

[89] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



The girls are very attractive from a 
novel point of view, as they are all inclined 
to lean toward the stage, and those not 
on the bills are imitators of some popular 
actress, and personally this don't hurt 
them, for the women of the mimic world 
are, as a rule, good dressers, although at 
times a little stingy as to quantity. 

Most everyone you meet will tell you 
of his intimacy with some big people, 
and they don't seem to understand that 
the rest of the world has a few bright and 
attractive people, not including Taft and 
myself. Now, I don't object to hearing 
a man boasting about his home town, for 
"breathes there a man" who would not 
like to have the other fellow imagine, or 
at least make believe, that his particular 
town, too, has men worthy of mention? 

A New Yorker will treat you to the 
best at his disposal if you can in return 
add to his social prestige. This in some 
respects is for no other purpose than that 

[90] 



FOR A DAY 



it will make his commercial side of life 
more easy to develop, as they all seem to 
want the things the big fellows have. 

My friends insisted on me "doing the 
town" and taking in some of the places 
of note. I found myself in Churchill's 
surrounded by a multitude of curious 
folk, all anxious to have a look at the 
"One Day Millionaire.' ' I ordered freely 
and spent my money as artistically as I 
knew how, and while I still had a good- 
sized roll I felt that it would not be long 
until I was down to the point when I 
could say in all truthfulness, "Boys, me 
for home; I am broke." 

One of the events of the trip was a 
hurried call or visit to the Friars Club. 
Here I met a lot of good fellows, and it 
was indeed a relief to get away from the 
curious crowd for awhile and be able to 
sit in a quiet corner and rest myself. My 
friend, Mr. A. X. Hope, presented me with 
a novel cigar lighter on behalf of the Club, 

[91] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



and naturally I was compelled to say 
something. This I did, and while Henry 
Grady might have embellished the stories 
of the South more vividly from a color 
point of view, he could not in his most 
palmy days make such an address as I 
did that evening. Willie Collier was one 
of many I was glad to have the privilege 
to meet. He is one of the few comedians 
whom I regard as funny. Willie is a 
sober chap and is not given to laughter; 
but the moment one meets him, you can 
detect the spark of genuine humor in his 
makeup, a humor that does not require 
to be effective. 

SOCIETY 

Society to a man like McDevitt has 
an entirely different aspect than to my 
friend Mr. Vanderbilt, and while some 
men condemn what we of America term 
as high society for no other purpose than 
to feel that they had their say, others 
denounce it because they attract atten- 

[92] 



FOR A DAY 

tion. And then we have those who will 
never get out of the manger. As for me, 
I have neither regards nor malice for the 
higher life of those addicted to big dinners 
and cut flower gatherings. It is their all 
and all, and human nature must have an 
outlet; so let them go and spend their 
cash, even though we who are more able 
to think right know that they are foolish. 

It is not a dangerous pastime; and 
if they have the money, they have the 
privilege to spend it as they see fit. 
Now, personally I feel that they could do 
much good with what Providence has 
placed in their hands; but our objections 
will not be heeded until they themselves 
become sufficiently intelligent to appre- 
ciate what we wish to convey. These 
people are only living their lives on a 
scale similar to what the less wealthy 
would do if given the dollars and position. 

We all admit they are not a happy 
lot, nor are they even interesting; just a 

[93] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



sort of human novel seekers, anxious to 
appear smart and clever, without having 
to labor to do so. I have no desire to be 
rich, and when I say this I actually mean 
it. To begin with, the possession of 
extreme wealth must force one to selfish- 
ness, and no mind fully human and in a 
normal condition can be happy when 
living in a world of selfishness. 

It is utterly impossible to say a 
prayer or to ask God to help you when 
you are blind to the wants of your neigh- 
bor, and it is just as absurd to go to 
church, passing on your way homes for 
the poor, hospitals and mission houses, 
and call upon your Maker to give you 
happiness, and you blindly passing it by. 
If these rich folk could only get to think- 
ing, we would not be forced to plead with 
them to give the poor some assistance. 

It is not because they are all hard 
and void of human kindness that they 
ignore the cry of the poor; but as they do 

[94] 



FOR A DAY 

not mix with this class, they cannot feel 
as they do. If they could only be shown 
how much genuine pleasure there is in 
doing good, prove to them in some way, 
in a way that would be impressive, many 
of them would change their way and be- 
come factors of some consequence. The 
mind of the philosopher bears no malice 
toward the wealthy class, only pity, and 
as for me, I am really sorry for the per- 
petual millionaires. They are a sad lot, 
a make believe class, garbed with a 
cloak of artifice and an assumed smile of 
happiness. 



[95] 




IMPRESSIONS OF 
NEW YORK 

BIG city and its people 
high class spenders. 
The men of New 
York appear to have 
more ambition and 
energy than one finds 
in men of other cities. 
Everyone in the city is a novelty 
seeker of some sort. 

The first visit does not impress one 
with its greatness; after having made 
several visits, its real greatness strikes 
you most forcibly. 

Most everyone I met wanted to buy 
me something to eat or drink. 

Its people could have more light and 
better sanitary conditions, and, all in all, 
more comfort if they would forget about 
the two or three minutes, which they 
imagine they cannot spare, in going to and 
from their homes. 

[96] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

I found most every person I met the 
possessor of a streak of good nature. A 
dollar never looks big to them. 

One seldom hears two real New 
Yorkers talking "shop." 

News becomes stale in this city in 
less time than in any place in the world. 

Most anyone can tell you the names 
of the sporting editors or the cartoonists, 
but no one appears to know the editorial 
writers. 

The average-sized building would 
look big in other towns. 

Unless one is familiar with the latest 
shows, you are considered behind the 
procession. 

METROPOLITAN REPORTERS 

The news men that came to our little 
town, Wilkes-Barre, at the time when I 
had arranged to go forth in my special, 
were a queer lot of good fellows, and 
while they all differed in many respects, 

[97] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



I remarked that in one particular they 
were all similar — "drunk." 

I have a soft spot in my heart for the 
pencil boys as, after one becomes to 
understand them better, he will find them 
a jolly crew, with a heart set properly 
and a hand that is always willing to dip 
when the appeal looks half decent. The 
boys had an elegant time of it on the 
train and appeared to be having a regular 
holiday. They ate to their hearts' con- 
tent. Of course, it was reasonable, for it 
was all paid for by yours truly, and I 
noticed they kept getting to the bottom 
of the best wine, while the beer and 
minor fluid was left to the workmen. 

These men are always on the job 
and have more troubles than the world 
ever dreams of. They must throw aside 
all forms of conventionality and let their 
pride somewhat in the rear when on 
many of their strange missions seeking 
news. You will never find one of them 

[98] 



FOR A DAY 

with more than enough to get away with, 
and I don't suppose they ever think of 
the rainy season that we read so much 
about in the Success Magazines, as you 
can't find one of them that is not in 
debt — to one of his fellow workers; and 
the problem that has me going is how in 
h — 1 they get away with it or who makes 
good, as they are all alike, owing from one 
hundred to two hundred dollars; and still 
they go on. The language they use in 
writing is not the same that they hand 
you in conversation, and I venture to say 
that very few indeed can get them on a 
story. I know it was Greek to me, for 
the phrases they use are of their own 
make and only understood in their re- 
spective circles. They love originality. 
You can reach them more easily with a 
good cigar than with a check. They will 
go far to serve those who appreciate their 
efforts. They make good husbands but 
poor dads. They get less press notices 

[99] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

than any other people on the map. They 
mostly smoke cigarettes. You can't get 
anything across on them that is not 
genuine. Religion is seldom a part of 
their lives. They are more kind and 
charitable than the public knows. They 
can make or break men or institutions in 
shorter time than dynamiters. They 
only laugh at original stunts, and will 
always give credit where credit is due. 
They are a good bunch, and may God 
bless them! 



[IOO] 




SIDE LIGHTS 
CONCERNING MY TRIP 

HILE in New York I 
became tired and 
wanted to get away 
from the crowd for a 
few minutes and 
mingle with the peo- 
ple who did not know 
who I was. I jumped on a street car and 
happened to be almost directly opposite 
two young girls who were holding an 
animated conversation in no inaudible 
tones. "Say, Alice," one of them sud- 
denly said, "I met that fellow who is 
here acting like a millionaire. I was in 
Churchill's last night when he came in, 
and say, I surely was 'stung' ! Why he 
was awfully plain looking and very rough ; 
at any rate, so he appeared to me. Of 
course, he may be all right, but every- 
body must pass an opinion, you know. 
Why he had on a tie that looked about 

[IOI] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



five years old and an old brown suit, 
Well, really, Alice, to tell you the truth, 
he looked more like a Brooklyn bartender 
than he did like a millionaire." 

The morning after the Clover Club 
affair in Philadelphia, and as I was on my 
way to New York, I happened to notice 
my picture on the front page of the 
"North American" a fellow sitting next 
to me was looking over. Naturally 
enough, I leaned over to get a look at 
my own picture, when the fellow turned 
around, and excusing myself, I said I 
just wanted to get a look at the One Day 
Millionaire. "Say," said he, "that damn 
fool has his mug stuck every place I look." 
I agreed with him, although he did not 
know how truthfully he spoke. 

The night I struck New York we 
attended a play and then took in several 
of the big cafes. We were booked for 
Shanley's, and on arriving there I was 
told to go to a certain part of the dining 

[102] 



FOR A DAY 

room as they had a table reserved for us. 
The colored waiter was standing at the 
place designated, and when I saw the 
card bearing my name I seated myself, 
but was promptly told to get another 
table as that one was reserved for a 
millionaire who was expected soon. 

I endeavored to explain that I was 
the "millionaire," but he laughed the 
derisive laugh that only a colored man 
knows how to laugh, and said, "Why you 
be no more millionaire than I be." 

When I returned home, I called to 
see my mother and father, and even yet 
they are a little dubious about my taking 
the trip. Mother said, "John, they say 
it's in the papers that you spent five 
hundred dollars to go on a train to New 
York." But I was forced to tell her that 
it was not so, as poor mother would 
think that that was the worst sin imagin- 
able. "And," said she, "Mrs. McGady 
said that it was in the paper that you 

[103] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

took a bath in wine that cost over fifty 
dollars. Sure no one would be foolish 
enough to put that much wine in a bath 
tub." Poor mother can't imagine that 
anyone ever paid more than twenty- 
five cents for a meal, and it is only lately 
that she knew for a fact that they did. 
"But I suppose you have to pay more than 
that for an extra fine meal, John." And 
I told her that in some places it cost 
a little more than that. "Oh," I said, 
"if a person wants a real good meal, say 
in a place like Shanley's, it will cost as 
high as forty cents; that is, if you want 
to drink wine with it." "Think of that 
much money," she said, "just for one 
meal. My, it's awful!" 



[104] 





feCl* *1J^A 




if 

t ll'll'llll 11. 




s 



AT THE CLOVER 
CLUB BANQUET 

FEW days after my 
return from New 
York, having dis- 
posed of my own 
money and some of 
my friends', Dr. 
Sweeny and Mr. 
Lenahan, I found that I was very much 
in demand as a speaker, as more than a 
hundred letters and telegrams awaited 
me. All invitations to some club or 
other. I had made a little history and the 
world was curious to see the uncouth (?) 
Irish lad with the new idea. 

Among the number of telegrams was 
one from the Clover Club of Philadelphia 
inviting me to speak at their annual 
banquet to be held at the Bellevue- 
Stratford. The affair is best told by a 
clipping taken from the Philadelphia 
"Inquirer": 

[ "5 ] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



"The big laugh of the evening came 
when Governor Bunn introduced the 
next speaker. He said that it has always 
been the custom of the Clover Club to 
have one set speech at every banquet 
and to get a man of national note to 
respond. He said that all the noise made 
recently about a certain man from Wilkes- 
Barre was nothing more or less than the 
work of the press agent of the Clover 
Club, who was preparing a candidate for 
Clover honors. 'He is with us tonight 
and he will respond to the toast, "The 
Lottery of Money." Gentlemen, I have 
the great pleasure in presenting to you 
Mr. John Jay McDevitt, of Wilkes- 
Barre.' 

MCDEVITT MAKES A HIT 

"There was a roar of laughter and 
much applause when the famous million- 
aire for a day arose, brushed the wrinkles 
from his brown sack coat, pushed back 
his lock of sandy hair, adjusted his string 

[106] 



FOR A DAY 

bow, cleared his throat and struck a pos- 
ture for his speech. 

" 'Would you like to have a little 
music with it?' asked toastmaster ex- 
Governor Bunn. Quick as a flash, Mc- 
Devitt said: 'No, thank you, Governor; 
I always carry my own fiddle with me.' 
Then he set out upon his speech, which 
was fairly bristling with wit and humor 
and compelled roars of laughter. Those 
who had come prepared to scoff or jeer 
were moved to genuine appreciation, and 
the best and sharpest tongues of the Club 
were silenced by the man from the mining 
regions. 

" Tm only a sort of a dreamer like 
the rest of you,' said McDevitt, by way 
of introducing himself, and hastily added, 
'but, unlike the rest of you, I had the 
nerve to fulfil my dreams — I really tasted 
of the joys of being a millionaire. ' This 
sally was greeted with an outburst of 
laughter, and McDevitt following up 

[107] 



A MILLIONAIRE 



his advantages, declared that while in 
New York he noticed that the rich people 
never laughed — only at banquets. 

" Tor ten years/ he continued, 'I 
wandered along in a sort of an aimless 
way. I saw all the acts in burlesque and 
vaudeville and all the moving pictures, 
and I thought that possibly the million- 
aires had other things with which to 
amuse themselves; but they haven't, I 
rubbed elbows with men who had mil- 
lions; some of them had brains, but they 
were in the minority, and I had all the 
good things which millionaires are sup- 
posed to have, but I am glad to get back 
to my real self.' 

" Asked how he happened to be 
nominated for office, he replied that he 
had some influence in a small district 
which gave a normal vote of about 
two hundred and thirty. 'But we stretch 
it to about three hundred or four hundred 
whenever an Irishman is on the ticket/ 

[108J 



FOR A DAY 

he exclaimed. 'Last fall there were two 
Germans on the ticket for the one office, 
so I saw my chance and got on, because 
I figured out that one Irishman can beat 
two Dutchman any day.' 

"McDevitt said that one day he was 
asked to name the three greatest men of the 
century. 'I was always a great admirer 
of Mark Twain, so I named him as one 
and Tolstoi as the other, and not wanting 
to become personal I stopped there/ 

"When one considered that the 
Cloverites invited McDevitt to their 
function with the intention of making a 
'goat' of him and the way in which he 
held his ground, it is a question of who 
was the 'goat.' They had the stage all 
set for a beautiful little comedy in which 
McDevitt was to play the part of the 
harassed plebeian. He was going to be 
shown up for fair, his advertising proclivi- 
ties ridiculed, his crude speech mimicked, 
his faltering utterances in the presence 

[109] 



A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 

of that august company held up to 
satire. 

"But McDevitt came right back. 
When he began to speak, the members 
started their usual tactics of interrupting, 
but he had a quick and humorous 
answer ready for every question. In a 
few minutes the millionaire for a day, who 
was the only one in the company not 
attired in evening clothes, had the mem- 
bers and guests laughing so heartily that 
they could not utter a word. The pres- 
ence of justices of the Supreme Court, 
mayors, judges, city solicitors, public 
officials and millionaires did not feaze 
him in the slightest. He told them a 
bunch of funny stories they had never 
heard before, and he joshed them about 
their dinner and called them a 'sad lot.' 

"In a way, this man McDevitt is a 
great deal of a philosopher. He put forth 
a few new sayings of his own that ex- 
cited the admiration as well as the 
laughter of the guests." 

[no] 



